What if we don't talk about being trans to your kids? Maybe they won't be trans if they have never heard you support trans people?
Yeah, we tried not telling kids about trans people already, in the 80’s and 90’s, and guess what? Some of those kids still turned out to be trans adults. *raises hand*
And yes, I am aware there's a bill that just passed the House that could eliminate funding for all gender-affirming care for trans people (kids and adults) through Medicaid and Medicare. I called my senators today. Before you criticize me for being “business as usual,” try to consider, what else is there but to continue building community as best we can?
I've been thinking about how I'd talk to kids lately, because I empathize with how stressful growing up right now must be, not because I have kids of my own. I'm not qualified to give parenting advice. But I was a trans kid once, so I still feel I have something to share with parents.
If you're wondering what to do if your kid comes out to you, check out this post:
Rey Katz
Here's my opinion about talking about transness with kids. Talking supportively about being trans doesn't make them trans. But it does help trans kids feel supported and safe.
Kids hear all kinds of gender stereotypes from a young age. Neighbors start asking kids, “is he your boyfriend?” in preschool. It seems reasonable to also share age-appropriate ideas about how some people are LGBTQ+ as well as all the straight, cis stereotypes.
Here's some ideas you could consider sharing with kids:
Some families have two mommies or two daddies instead of a daddy and a mommy. (And that's okay.)
Some boys have a boyfriend and some girls have a girlfriend. (And that's okay.)
Sometimes everyone thinks someone is a boy, but actually they are a girl. (And that's okay.)
Sometimes everyone thinks someone is a girl, but actually they are a boy. (And that's okay.)
Some people aren't a boy or a girl. (And that's okay.)
Think of this as teaching your child to be a good LGBTQ+ ally. I'm a world full of negative media messages and increasingly visible transphobia and homophobia, your kid is going to find out about LGBTQ+ people, for sure, but will likely hear about them in some hateful vitriol. It's important to counter the hate with a baseline of respect and inclusion.
Even if your kid already knows more about LGBTQ+ people than you do, it's important to let them know you are supportive, and that it's safe to talk to you about these things.
Talking about it isn't going to make your kid gay or trans, if they aren't already. But it will make them feel okay about introducing a non-binary friend to you, or a friend's parents who are gay.
It can be confusing to split the difference between what people in the media are saying and what we observe in our personal lives. Parents have this opportunity to diffuse some of the hateful messages from the mainstream media, by normalizing talking about being LGBTQ+.
Especially if you're in a conservative community, “you know, I think that's fine,” and using respectful language goes a long way.
Because what kids hear is, “I think you're okay the way you are.” And they learn how to be respectful and understanding towards people from a great role model (you!)
Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think in the comments.
Take care,
Rey
