🚽 don't bother me in the bathroom, okay?

In trans news, cis man enters women's restroom...again

Even in Massachusetts, a blue state which supports trans healthcare, etc, people are being harassed just for using the bathroom. An incident made the news recently. “Hotel Guard Barges Into Women’s Restroom, Accuses Lesbian Guest Of Being A Man” as the headline from gomag.com reads. In case it wasn’t blatantly obvious, the “Hotel Guard” was a man, entering the women’s restroom…to ensure there were no men in there. WTF? The hypocrisy is astounding.

While this kind of bathroom harassment is scary for trans people, in many cases, the target of this kind of transphobic bullying are people who are not trans. Women with short hair, women who wear masculine clothes and don’t conform to feminine beauty norms, women who date women, lesbians. Women who have lost their hair for medical reasons.

I wrote about my own incident of being harassed in a women’s bathroom with short hair and masculine clothes. A man came into the women’s bathroom and asked me through the stall door if I was a male or female, while I had my pants down.

A friend read my bathroom essay in HuffPost recently and shared with me that people could be really mean. She wished they would be nicer. I agreed. That’s a big part of why I wrote and published that essay. Because I wish people would be less mean, more understanding, and nicer to one another.

I go into women’s restrooms quite often. When I’m traveling, up to several times per day. Over years, that’s hundreds or thousands of visits to the women’s restroom. In my experience, the only people who have made me feel threatened in the women’s restroom have been men. That’s not to say women never bully other women in the restroom - they definitely do sometimes - but speaking from my own experience it has been mostly, primarily, men who have made me feel uncomfortable in this situation. And I am not talking about trans people. I am talking about men who were assigned male at birth, raised and socialized as men, and have likely never considered what it would be like to be a different gender.

I guess what I’m asking here is: if you’re considering accusing someone of being in the wrong restroom, please don’t? These accusations are making everyone more uncomfortable. If someone is harassing, attacking, or aggressive towards someone in a bathroom, then sure, let’s make sure everyone is as safe as possible and try to de-escalate the situation, but if someone is just in there to pee or whatever, it’s probably fine, right?

Let’s try to be nicer to each other, okay?

In other Massachusetts transgender news, the legislature is considering a bill that would allow school sports teams to refuse to play against a team that includes a transgender child. I submitted a written testimony against this bill:

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I am horrified and concerned that Massachusetts legislators are considering Bill S.350 & H.584. I am an athlete, with a lifelong martial arts practice in karate (1st degree black belt) and aikido (2nd degree black belt), and years of playing soccer. As a short person with thin bones, I have competed with males, females, and people of various genders. In my experience, transgender athletes are not more of a safety risk than any other athletes. Experience and control mean a lot more than gender when it comes to competing safely.

Regulations which treat transgender children differently or separately end up affecting girls who are not trans as well. If someone accuses a girl of being trans, she may be subjected to harassment and scrutiny of her body and medical history. Whether or not a child is transgender, she should not have to reveal medical history or her private parts to be able to participate on a sports team.

This bill, while claiming to ensure fairness and safety, in effect is a tool for bullying any girl who is disliked for whatever reason. This will not make children safer, but rather, is a license for discrimination. Please vote against Bill S.350 & H.584.

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These may feel like small things, especially compared to some of the other legislation in more conservative states, but I believe every little bit of advocacy helps. At the very least, it shows our community we are supportive and taking positive action.

Speaking of which, have you called your congressperson’s office lately? 5calls.org.

How are you doing this week? Let me know in the comments.

Take care,

Rey