Smoky air, smoky thoughts

Is it me, or is it the air quality? (It's probably me)

Wildfire smoke can make you feel panicked.

Well of course, you might think. A wildfire is pretty dangerous for humans. So it makes sense, evolutionarily, that we might feel a deep unease when smoke comes our way.

But it’s hard to recognize when smoke creeps up slowly in the air. Especially if the sky is mostly blue and you maybe don’t notice that tinge of yellow in the bright, blazing noon sky.

I woke up two nights ago in the middle of the night. My mind was turning over stressful situations that had finished years ago.

I remembered previous housing situations, awkward moments at my job, things I regretted saying to my friends years ago. One after the other. It was like a highlight reel of the most awkward moments of my life.

Given that I had hiked eight miles that day, one could assume I was tired enough to sleep through the night. But I wasn’t.

I sneezed because my nose was clogged up. I sighed and turned over and over and over and eventually fell back to sleep.

The heat, also, can influence us more than we think. When I woke up after my restless night, it was a hot day. I struggled. I said things that were unwise and not diplomatic. I had much room to grow in my verbal communication skills. I caused problems. I didn’t drink enough water.

In the evening, we went on a short hike up on Panorama Dome, for an incredible view of the mountains and lakes surrounding Mammoth Lakes. But in the distance, in the valley of the Eastern Sierras where Route 395 runs north to south, the sky was hazy. Purple, yellow, and orange, everything except blue, fading in the light of the setting sun.

Dave noticed the haze first and said that almost looks like smoke. I said, yeah, now that you mention it, that’s absolutely smoke. But I hadn’t recognized it at all before.

As the sun set completely, we checked the fire.airnow.gov air quality map and saw there was a smoke advisory for our area, even though there was no nearby wildfire.

A lot of pieces clicked into place. I remembered my panicked night, my day of unease and discomfort. I don’t think it was entirely the smoke, but it may have contributed. Perhaps the chemicals were influencing my thoughts.

We’re perhaps most familiar with the effects of tobacco or marijuana smoke. But smoke of the forest or of the city also has its effects on our brains.

Traveling in a van, you can change your environment more in some ways and less in some ways compared to living in a house.You can't crawl into bed and start up the A/C, but you can drive to a shadier, cooler place.

I'm less likely to notice smoke if I'm in an unfamiliar location, I think. Something about everything being unfamiliar and lacking a baseline.

But once I do notice smoke, I can account for it, and hopefully cut myself some slack and change locations or plans.

And some of our coolest finds have come from driving somewhere cooler or less smoky! I've been fascinated by some of the smaller hikes we've found to volcanic craters and an earthquake fault. The adventure continues…

Thanks so much for reading! Let me know what you think in the comments.

Take care,

Rey