We all get older: it's not a bad thing

So don't call old people 'young'

Growing older is not necessarily a bad thing. So why do we talk about age so negatively?

I’m 33 years old, so I’m not terribly qualified to speak on this topic yet. But I’m blessed to be in community with some wonderful people who are older than I am.

A loved one and newsletter reader shared with me that she, as a self-described old person, feels uncomfortable when people call her “young lady.” I was surprised to hear this experience. People are really calling older women “young lady”? But yes, apparently, pretty often strangers say “here you go, young lady” or similar when holding the door open, or when calling the next person to the checkout line or bank counter or at the dentist office or any of these other places where we have to exist in public.

From my own perspective, it makes me uncomfortable when people call me “young lady.” It feels condescending and not very accurate. It reminds me of the sort of thing you might read about in historical fiction: wealthy men trying to marry their daughters off to gain power and privilege. Ugh.

Then, on top of that, calling someone “young” when they clearly aren’t is disrespectful. You don’t have to call them “old” either. Unless someone invites you to comment on their age (by asking, how old do you think I am, etc), it’s really none of your business.

Why is calling an old person “young” disrespectful? It’s implying being old is a problem, or like it’s better to pretend no one ever gets old.

Growing old is relative. In my first sport, women’s gymnastics, you are old at age twenty. Some athletic ambitions are only possible when you’re young. However, aikido, the martial art I practice, supports some of the oldest practitioners of any sport.

Sensei, who has been teaching his students Kokikai Aikido in the US, and internationally in Japan and Australia for over fifty years, talks about what aikido was like in his body over the decades. “Fifties, sixties—still growing. Getting better. Seventies—even better.” he explained to a room full of students at camp. “Eighties…ehh,” he said with a wry smile and a shrug of his hand. I had tears in my eyes because no one had said to me before, you can be interested, happy, healthy, social, and still growing into your body in your sixties, seventies, and eighties. Something to look forward to, if I get there.

We all change as we get older, in different ways, perhaps so gradually you don’t even notice.

I called an old friend on her 80th birthday and asked her, “how does it feel to be 80?” She replied, “well, about the same!”

In aikido, and in life, I respect when people have been working on something for a long time. I’m not going to devalue that by joking about them being a young person. We’re all getting older together, and I believe that’s easier if people can honestly share how that goes.

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For more experiences of what it’s like to get older at any age or gender, I recommend checking out Sari Botton’s Oldster Magazine on Substack, featuring fascinating interviews with a wide variety of people:

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Thanks so much for reading!

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Take care,

Rey