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LC Sharkey (they/them)'s avatar

Thanks so much for this! I am old enough now (early 60s) that I am perceived as an "old" person, or a "senior citizen" by people who don't know me. I've been called "young lady" a few times, and it's obvious that the speaker has good intentions and believes they are being kind, but it definitely carries that connotation that they are giving me permission to pretend I'm not old, because it's such a sad, horrible thing to be. What's interesting to me is that I never got called "young lady" when I was younger, even though I identified back then as a cis woman. My appearance was what was referred to back in those days as "androgynous," and I was once in a while called "sir" by people who, on closer look would suddenly get embarrassed and say something like "I mean ma'am. I'm so sorry." It's weird how people get those initial first cultural clues, because even when I wore the official "baby dyke" uniform, I had big breasts, which I neither flaunted nor hid. Now that I'm old (which to some extent, tends to erase gender in many people's impression), I get called "ma'am" (or "young lady") way more than when I was younger. I think maybe one reason the "young lady" thing is common is because the person saying it is not only trying to compliment you by pretending you don't look "old," they are also trying to reassure you that even though you're old, you are still a "lady." For people still subscribed to the myth of binary gender, this is, I believe, intended as a way of telling you that you are still recognizable as the gender you are assumed to be and value being. I feel like a living experiment about how cultural socialization leads people to perceive and interact with strangers.

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Troy's avatar

I definitely see your point about age. I feel a similar way when someone calls me big guy. I'm thinking....but I'm not big.

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