What to do when you don't feel good enough (to work)

Wait, not everyone has crashy days when they can't work? Not everyone dissociates either - this is blowing my mind

Hi friends,

I struggle with what to do when you don’t feel good enough to work.

I’m writing to you from the living room couch, after watching Queer Eye while doing my physical therapy exercises for my hip. But am I truly sitting on the couch present in this moment? Right now, I think I am. But earlier today, that wasn’t the case.

This morning, I was stressing, just sitting there. Then I was doomscrolling. Then I opened the thing I’m supposed to be writing. Then I got an email about my class. It still wasn’t time for lunch. I wondered if I should vacuum. I burst into tears with a huge sense of grief and loss. Then I became numb again. I ate lunch.

Photo by Kevin Lee on Unsplash

I worked on someone’s website for a couple of hours in the afternoon. It was easier to do work in someone else’s world as I felt quite separate from my own self and work.

My todo list is filled with emails I would like to send, people I would like to reach out to, people I need to respond to.

How am I supposed to communicate with people when I feel like a shell of myself?

I sent one email letting the person know I had made all those requested changes to their website. I figured they’d want to know. I didn’t respond to my friends. My mind felt blank.

I noticed how detached I felt from my body. “I need to invite myself back into the safe space of my body,” I thought. My stomach recoiled and my throat clenched at that thought, as my body did not feel like a safe place to be.

Photo by Dim Hou on Unsplash

I want to be the reliable person who responds to emails within two days and sends out a newsletter every Monday and posts a video every day. But some days, it’s simply not going to happen.

I listened to a podcast episode recently, an interview with a copywriter who charged a day rate. The host asked, what happens if you can’t write on the day your client has booked? The copywriter basically said she buckles down and gets the work done. Just start writing and the rest will follow.

I’m envious. If only it was that possible for me.

Sometimes “just do it” isn’t helpful. “Make a list” isn’t helpful. Sometimes I’m just not the me that I and others expect.

Photo by John Noonan on Unsplash

Someone responded to a comment I made about writers block feeling like dissociation, agreeing but pointing out not everyone feels dissociated or has trauma responses.

Not everyone feels dissociated or has trauma responses.

Not everyone.

But some of us who do, structure our work around being unreliable.

We bill by the hour and work part time, we sell products and services and classes that don’t require we show up all the time, we go back to school, we work remote jobs, we work at companies that track results, not hours.

A client last week said I was so organized and on top of things. And, I am! But not in the most traditional sense. I don’t always do things on time, but neither does everyone else. I work with folks who are working around their kids’ schedules, or always email on weekend evenings, or go weeks without reaching out and then pick up right where we left off.

Photo by Jonas Vincent on Unsplash

Maybe I can reframe this by using more respectful language. Just like Laziness Does Not Exist (an excellent book by Devon Price, highly recommend), perhaps unreliability does not exist. Let’s call it flexible scheduling, understanding, compassion towards ourselves and others because we are not robots.

As entrepreneurs, consultants, writers, etc, we regularly push ourselves out of the comfort zone, a requirement to succeed and keep learning. But it’s equally important to let ourselves recover. Resting gives you a chance to bounce back stronger. Trying to push through fatigue and dissociation leads to burnout.

If I leave you with one takeaway, let it be this: if you have difficult days, you can still succeed in your business. You need to both push yourself to accomplish what you need to do, and, rest intensely and completely.

Invite yourself to be present in what you’re doing, and if the answer is “no, not now” — give yourself permission to watch TV or take a bath or stretch a little or simply lie down.

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If you want to work with me, a “so organized and on top of things” professional to help your tech start working for you, lets talk!

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Thanks so much for reading my newsletter. It means a lot to me.

Take care,

Rey