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Everyone who trains in the martial art of aikido has an aikido origin story—how did they find their first aikido class? These stories are fun to hear and to tell—what random chance brought you to the activity that became a big part of your life for decades? When you find yourself responsible for recruiting new students, aikido origin stories start to feel like marketing insights—how do we find more students?
I have an aikido origin story: when I was in college, a friend said to a group of five of us, “Guess what we’re doing tonight?”
We said, “What?”
He said, “We’re going to aikido class! Come on!”
So, trailing behind him like ducklings in our sweatpants and T-shirts, we all tried an aikido class. Dave’s class wasn’t the first time I had tried aikido, but it was the first time I enjoyed aikido. (The first paired exercise we did in the other club’s class was basically to hold hands and feel each other’s energy. I was so uncomfortable.)
I was confused by all the quick techniques, but at least I wasn’t bored or uncomfortable. I had fun. I loved the enthusiasm of the other participants.
Some people research different martial arts before choosing one. Some people sit and watch a class before joining in. Some people sit and watch for a month or more before ever trying a technique themself. The best approach to joining a martial art is very individual to each person (and their teachers).
Out of the five friends who showed up at that first aikido class, only two of us returned to class, and I was the only one who kept training for years. I trained in aikido until I graduated, then I quit. Well, I trained for three months at a donation-based class from another aikido style, and then I really quit. I became uncomfortable with people in the class touching me in normal ways to do technique. Then, I started a full-time job where I didn’t get home until 8pm on the bus, preventing me from doing many evening activities.
Three years after I quit aikido, I came back. So I have two aikido origin stories, actually.
There’s a dissonance in my memories before this time. I wrote previously about being surprised by what I had written in my email responses to a man who was harassing me. Well, I just searched in my old email again. I wanted to check, for the second time I joined Kokikai Aikido, if I found the dojo and told my friend, or my friend told me.
You know what I found? Three years before I “discovered” the dojo and started attending classes, I mentioned in an email to Dave that I was training with some other group. He asked who, and told me that a Kokikai instructor was teaching in Oakland. I didn’t respond to that. It’s as if I didn’t want to see it. Additionally, I can’t find any email between my college friend and me discussing the Oakland dojo.
How the heck do I know if my aikido origin story is true?
Well, if it’s fiction, it’s one of the truer fictions. It’s a story that feels true to me because it talks about how it became important again to me to train in martial arts, over and over throughout my life.
After not training for three years, I found out there was a new Kokikai dojo in Oakland, an easy 15-minute drive from where I lived. (I had a car and a job by that point). I emailed my college friend who had first introduced me to aikido who happened to live nearby, and let him know about the dojo. We both started attending aikido classes again and it was great to rejoin the Kokikai community. Two weeks after I started attending classes, Sensei taught a camp in San Francisco. I went with my new aikido friends and was delighted and honored to learn from Sensei again.
Yeah, I mean, that dojo wasn’t new, but I guess it was new to me at a time when I needed aikido in my life.
When I was trying to be what everyone else expected me to be, while struggling with the reality of it, that’s when martial arts fell out of my life. (Another falling metaphor.) I let it go. I gripped other pursuits instead. But my return to being able to enjoy martial arts is entwined with my healing from hiding myself.
I create an aikido origin story every time I pack up my bag to go to class. I want to see people, I want to have fun with them, I want to learn something, I want to become a better person and relate to people in a healthier way.
Thanks so much for reading! Let me know what you think in the comments.
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Rey
I was just talking about your last post to some friends today, and then I get online, and see you have written more about it! My friends and I - who all are or have been yoga teachers - were talking about the importance of a skillfully trauma informed approach to teaching. We were discussing how important it is to be aware that an instruction that is helpful for one student might trigger another student. One of my friends was really struggling with the fear of causing harm to a student because it's impossible to be 100% sure beforehand that the approach you use won't be experienced in a negative way by a student. Your first post about Aikido and falling popped into my mind, and I had this epiphany. In yoga world, we tend to focus on techniques and practices for centering and resourcing that will help us stay regulated, and that approach is generally assumed to be an internal process. What we are missing is exactly what you described as central to your Aikido practice, wherein you assume that external forces will inevitably knock you off balance, and the practice is in learning how to accept the inevitability of that fall, navigate it, and then regain your balance. That's what we're missing in yoga world; there is this overarching, unspoken assumption that if we do it right, we will never be thrown. But that is unrealistic, and can even be detrimental. We need to learn, like you obviously have, that falling is not a failure, but an inevitable part of the process. Nowhere in your words here do I see any indication of self-recrimination or shame about having fallen away from your practice for some time. Instead, you talk about how you found your way back, and to me, that is a refreshing and invigorating perspective. Thank you for every word you share here. I am always so happy to see a new post from you!
I’ve never considered taking part in martial arts and probably never will, but your stories about it sure make me curious!