Okay, I'm frankly shocked I've managed to write so much about LGBTQIA+ topics while completely avoiding talking about sex. Hahaha. I don't even cover relationships all that often - oops.

Luckily, I don't have to start today! I can recommend another queer writer who finds joy in sharing both "wholesome and horny" content - today's guest post is by Mike De Socio. Do not worry - this post is definitely on the "wholesome" side - but I encourage you to subscribe to Finocchio for more of Mike's "horny" stories.

Fun fact: Mike, like me, grew up in New Jersey, with immigrant grandparents. In 2025, he moved to Milan, and now shares entertaining experiences of being a queer American living in Italy.

I'm delighted to share a post from Mike about finding queer joy in movement and exercise.

Photo of Mike sitting on the floor in front of a quilt, smiling, with short brown hair and a beard — Photo courtesy of Mike De Socio

Originally published in Mike's excellent publication Finocchio

Find the joy in your werk out

Don’t have the homosexual urge to hit the gym? Not to worry. There’s a better way to get your body moving.

By Mike De Socio

I have never, ever been someone who enjoys the gym. Picking up heavy things and putting them back down again just doesn’t get me going.

Still, I tried more than a few times to make myself a “gym person.” After all, what kind of gay guy doesn’t at least try to get a six pack? But even as I cycled through gym memberships, I always felt out of place in front of the weight rack, and I’d eventually lose interest.

At a certain point, I gave up on trying to force it. I was starting to read more about health and bodies, and came around to the idea that my body was not a problem to be solved, or a piece of clay to be molded (who would have thunk!). So, in the place of uninspiring trips to the gym, I doubled down on activities that I did just for the fun of them: hiking and biking. At the most extreme, I’d sometimes pull 20-mile days on foot; I also biked across the state of New York, twice.

Again, I did these things because I enjoyed them (okay, at least in a Type-2 Fun kind of way), not because I was chasing some arbitrary fitness goal. I wasn’t trying to change my weight or achieve a certain look; I was just doing things that made me happy, and moving my body along the way.

This was, in a word, revolutionary for me. I left behind society’s nonsense rules about fitness, and plugged into a deep sense of joy that, ironically enough, keeps me very fit.

Here’s how you can do the same.

Step 1: Look for the thing that brings you joy.

I’m not here to lecture you about fitness, or even health for that matter. I do not care what your body looks like, or what’s in your medical record. I don’t even care if you work out!

I do care, however, that you have fun in that groovy flesh suit of yours.

So, if you want to move your body more, there’s a pretty simply recipe: Find a way of moving your body that lights you up, that gives you the giggles, that you can’t wait to do again.

Maybe you, like me, enjoy hauling yourself up mountains. Maybe you, like me, love to traverse this big planet of ours on two wheels. Maybe you, like me, want to throw on a Speedo and do laps at the community pool.

Or maybe you’re not like me! Perhaps yoga or dancing or rugby or climbing or bowling puts a smile on your face. Amazing! I love that for you.

If you’re not sure what physical activities bring you joy (hello, gym class trauma!), give a few a try. For bonus points, do so with a queer sports or activity group.

Step 2: Do that thing.

Oops! There basically is no Step 2.

Once you’ve found one way (or a few ways) to move your body that brings you joy, go do it! As often as possible.

That’s it, that’s the advice.

Notice how I didn’t tell you to make a fitness regimen or track your macros or some such bullshit? Yeah, exactly. Miss me with that!

The idea that freed me to actually be more active, and have a great time doing it, was that I didn’t need physical activities to be anything other than fun.

Step 3: Join the fanciest gym in town?

For all my talk about hating gyms I, umm, well, recently joined a very fancy and expensive gym here in Milan. 😅 I can explain!

I did not join for the weight machines or really even the gym itself. I joined mostly because it has a beautiful pool (joy ✅), and a beautiful spa area (joy ✅), and a locker room overflowing with beautiful boys (joy ✅). It’s all making sense now, isn’t it?

Jokes aside, maybe there’s a lesson here, too: Don’t be too rigid with yourself. Sure, I swore off gyms years ago, but now I stumbled upon one that lets me chase my joy, without forcing me to do stuff I don’t like. So, I joined it. Simple as that.

Hi, it's Rey again - thanks so much, Mike, for sharing your queer joy at the gym with us!

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