😬 looking natural doesn't come naturally

How to change a habit

I have a habit of looking around anxiously. I mean, who doesn't? No? Just me? I'm looking up and away right now. But I didn't realize I did this during aikido training until last month.

I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to visit Nagoya, Japan, and for the warm welcome and lessons learned from Sensei and his students. I have trained in Kokikai Aikido for around twelve years, before the pandemic traveling around the US to learn from Sensei on his visits to America.

Before class, Sensei watched me throw Dave and asked me what I was doing with my face. He mimicked me looking up towards the corners of the dojo. Once he pointed this out, I couldn't unsee it. In the middle of every throw, or even between throws, my face was twitching upwards, downwards, looking around at my surroundings, sort of like a bird trying to check if a hawk is still there and if you've dropped your French fries.

Sensei instructed me to keep my face level instead. “Just natural.” Although, movements that look natural don't always come naturally or instinctually.

I was training with a junior high school student, a green belt, and I watched her turn around while throwing, face calm, level, not stressed, smiling, probably used to throwing in front of Sensei every week. Her throw was good, calm and cheerful.

My turn to throw, and I looked up towards the ceiling. Wow, like Sensei said, why do that?

Keep your face level. Don't look up. I thought repeatedly about these assignments.

For my next throw, I focused on keeping my gaze level. I tried to look vacant yet smiling. No thoughts. No stress. No looking around. I did it.

The next step is doing it every time. Changing fundamental habits is much harder than doing something correctly once. And then, layering in all the other corrections and feedback to make your technique better. (Offer your wrist with your arm out at a 45 deg angle. Don't take more than 1.5 steps back between throws. Big down. Split-second pause at the end. Etc.) Not reverting to bad habits. That's why this is a practice.

Like many things to practice in aikido, I found myself noticing the direction in which I was looking outside of class also. When I was nervous, I definitely moved my face. But when I was hiking in the woods in a relaxed way, my eyes remained steadily a little ahead of me on the trail, occasionally scanning levelly through the woods to my left and right.

To me, my face seemed “just natural” out in the woods. Maybe this was a natural expression after all. And now, to bring that feeling of being out in nature to keeping my face level in aikido practice.

I'm grateful that Sensei pointed out what I was doing with my face. I had been completely unaware. It takes a special talent to notice something like that, and then to highlight it as what I should work on.

Because having something to work on is important. That thing is different for everyone. People do martial arts for exercise, or self-defense training, or self-improvement, or making friends. People get interested in different parts of martial arts and find different things to practice. And that's great. Sensei says we need hopes and dreams for a lifetime. I think it's important and human to practice something, whatever calls to you.

What do you find important to practice? Let me know in the comments!

Take care,

Rey