An update from the airport bathroom

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I'm transmasculine, non-binary, a writer, and a martial artist. I enjoy spending relaxed time out in nature. I work on websites, tech, and design in exchange for cash.

In this post, I will share:

- An experience at the airport bathroom
- Info about the Black Trans Short Film Festival, virtual and in-person in Durham, NC, April 30-May 2

A tree full of red 4-petaled flowers and no leaves yet (a type of dogwood, I think?)

My recent experience at an airport bathroom

We're traveling again, returning to the city of Nagoya in Japan for two months. My partner and I have been training in aikido for over a decade (he longer than I have) and we're visiting our Sensei who now lives in Japan. Yes, we do lead an interesting life.

Getting there as economically as possible required three flights and flying over Japan on the way to Taiwan and then back again. The longest flight was 16 hour 40 minutes (the attendant was on the loudspeaker enunciating "1...6...4...0" to make sure we knew what we were in for).

I've written about my experience being harassed in a women's bathroom while traveling in California, for HuffPost:

But although that was an unusual incident, as a gender non-conforming person, I have to consider what people think of me in American public bathrooms fairly often.

JFK airport in New York City has “all gender” single stall restrooms, one next to the women's and one next to the men's. Around midnight, I wanted to brush my teeth before boarding the 16+ hour flight. I carried my electric toothbrush over to the single stall bathroom on the women's side.

Even though the door lock said “vacant” in green, the door seemed to be stuck closed. I shrugged and pivoted towards the adjacent entrance of the women's bathroom.

A woman next to me in a maintenance uniform said something like, there's one for men on the other side. “That's okay,” I started to say, but looked up and noticed she was physically blocking my way into the women's room, a tall, muscular presence.

“Excuse me?” I asked. I grew up near New York City; I know how unusual it is for a local to just start talking to you there.

“Men's over there,” she said again, gesturing past me.

“Okay,” I turned and walked away, feeling uncomfortable. There was in fact a single stall bathroom next to the men's, with the door unlocked, that I was able to use.

It's conceivably possible she was just trying to help me find the working single stall.

But I also got a vibe that she thought I was trying to enter the wrong bathroom by mistake.

Glancing at myself in the bathroom mirror, I saw my jacket zipped up, covering my flamingo-colored embroidered shirt that I wore to look more like a woman while traveling, my freshly cut short hair, and a mask over my face.

Rey, a white non-binary person with short, curly brown hair, wearing glasses and an N95 mask, sitting in an airplane seat

I honestly didn't think I look enough like a guy for someone to object to me using a women's bathroom, or for me to use the men's bathroom, but clearly, I can't control what other people think of me.

I've heard from more than one trans business owner that they no longer attend conferences in certain US states or in the US at all due to discriminatory bathroom laws. This can be limiting for business opportunities.

New York isn't one of those places where it can be a felony to use a bathroom that doesn't match your assigned sex. But still, I feel the hypervigilance of Americans suspiciously looking for trans people. It doesn't have to be this way.

On the bright side, I had no problem and no pat-downs going through security. Yay! And I'm on my way to Japan, where the general public doesn't stare at you quite as much as you walk into a public bathroom.

I'm not on vacation, exactly - I'll continue to work, just from a different city. I'm grateful for the opportunity to experience the world and for the kind people I meet who help keep me safe.

Rey holding a clear umbrella and walking in the rain wearing a scarf and hat

Check out the Black Trans Short Film Festival, virtual and in-person in Durham, NC, April 30-May 2

Another hope-inspiring newsletter, Good Queer News by Ben Greene, recently shared an interview with Joie Lou Shakur, the founder of the Black Trans Short Film Festival: