How do you transition if you're nonbinary - not male or female? This is a complicated question, as you might imagine, and there are a variety of things you can do or not do to express your gender identity.
As one nonbinary person, I can share my experience, as well as what I've learned from others. But of course, every person's story is different. I encourage you to seek out a variety of viewpoints and opinions!
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Questions about being nonbinary from readers and viewers
Last week, I told the story of my nonbinary transition in newsletter and video formats. Check it out here if you haven't seen it yet:
Rey Katz
Some readers and viewers took me up on my offer to answer questions about being nonbinary, and I'll share some of my answers here.
While I discuss health care such as gender-affirming hormone therapy in this article, I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice.
Is nonbinary in the middle of male and female?
To ask if nonbinary people are exactly in between male and female isn't completely wrong, but it's not quite how this works. Nonbinary is a pretty general term covering a bunch of different people, who aren't entirely men OR women.
This reminds me of when people assume bisexuals need to be dating exactly one man and one woman at the same time to be fulfilled. That's not the case for most bisexuals. People are all different individuals and most of the time gender doesn't need to be considered this precisely.
It would be impossibly difficult for each nonbinary individual to somehow hit the middle of the gender spectrum, even if gender were only one dimension.
There are a lot of dimensions related to gender. Let's take facial hair as one example. Men are more likely to have noticeable facial hair than women, and it's considered a gendered trait. But many women have facial hair as well. Trans people may have facial hair. Nonbinary people may have facial hair. Anyone may have facial hair.
Okay, so how is a nonbinary person supposed to be at the center of this scale of facial hair to no facial hair? A patchy beard? A teenage mustache? Shave only the right side of their face? I'm joking, but seriously, there is no fixed "nonbinary amount of facial hair."
How can someone transition as a nonbinary person?
Nonbinary people can have a gender transition just like any other person, with clothes, hairstyle, name change, and/or gender-affirming healthcare.
Some nonbinary people choose to make changes such as these, and some don't. However you express yourself, whether it's aligned with your gender assigned at birth or not, is valid.
In my experience, some nonbinary people aren't enthusiastic about all aspects of masculinizing or feminizing hormones or other changes.
For example, some transmasc people taking testosterone don't want facial hair (or pattern baldness) so they also take finasteride, which blocks T from converting to DHT, the hormone that affects facial hair and pattern baldness. Some trans men feel this way as well. This is only possibly effective early, before one's facial hair grows in thicker, as it doesn't really undo existing hair growth.
But this is just an example of how someone might want some effects from the hormones, or feel better taking them, while also remaining uncomfortable about facial hair.
What does post-transition look like for a nonbinary person?
I think of it more like continuing to change, grow and learn more. I'm not sure I'm "post-transition" - especially since that's kind of hard to define for a nonbinary identity. I am at least out to a lot of people (but not all) in my real life and online.
I'm 36 years old, and I'm different now than I was in my 20s, and not only because of my transition. I feel more comfortable in my body and when socializing now than I used to.
I think that's a big part of post-transition, having figured out what works better for me and not having to think about it as much.
But I'm still trying new things! New-to-me clothes, for example, and I've been doing a little beginner weightlifting recently, finding things that make me feel better and more comfortable.
What do you think? Let us know in the comments!
Good news from Brazil this week!
Incumbent President Lula defeated right-wing extremist Flávio Bolsonaro in Sunday's election. LGBTQ+ folks are celebrating!
In a viral video, President Lula kisses the cheek of Congresswoman Erika Hilton, a trans woman and supporter of his. This is a friendly, not romantic, gesture in their culture, but it still says a lot about Lula's willingness to publicly embrace and stand with trans people.
Erika Hilton was one of the first trans women elected to Brazil's Congress, and she has fought for Black women's rights and championed labor reform - an end to the six-day work week.
I enjoyed watching Hilton speak in this video along with an AI English translation. What a great, passionate, authoritative speaker!
What I'm listening to: A song from 1965 that sounds modern today
A reader shared a fascinating song, Home of the Brave, by Jody Miller with me. Even though this was recorded in 1965 (!) I couldn't believe how relevant this sounded, sharing the experience of a gender non-conforming kid.
Miller starts out, "The school board says he can't come to school no more / unless he wears his hair like he wore it before," and in the chorus, "Why won't you let him be what he wants to be."
We are still fighting this fight for these kids in school today!
Check out the song:
Coming up: become a Champion
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