"Ma'am, take any electronics out of the bag," the female TSA agent instructed as I prepared to go through the security screening at the airport. The person to my left got a "sir" and person to my right got a "ma'am."
"Yeah," I acknowledged, and took out my laptop and a ziploc full of camping lanterns and batteries.
Huh, I thought. I guess I'm safe in the airport even if I'm not gender-conforming by wearing a femme shirt and eyeliner like I did for the last several flights.
I notice it, every time, when someone calls me "she" or "ma'am." It feels somewhat bad. I guess not everyone has this experience. But all trans people are different, and some people experience more gender dysphoria than others when they are misgendered.
My hair was short-ish, growing out over the summer, and I was wearing a linen button down shirt over my flat chest and long pants. I was wearing an N95 face mask, with eyebrow makeup and no other makeup. All these choices don't exactly scream "woman" to me, but, you know, opinions may vary.
I was flying between two blue states, liberal states without anti-trans laws about bathrooms. (I wasn't in Idaho ...) I didn't feel like cosplaying as a woman this time.
The interesting thing is that I was treated as a woman anyway. It felt a little weird, like perhaps there's nothing I can do to indicate to complete strangers that maybe I'm not a woman.
But it also felt safe, like no one is making any dangerous assumptions about me. Being closeted can feel both stifling and safe. And just like coming-out is an ongoing process, being closeted or not closeted can be as well.
While it bothered me a small amount that strangers think I'm a woman, I also didn't care to a pretty large extent. It feels good to have gotten to a point I'd heard about from some older trans folks. It's kind of beautiful to feel the depth of the support from myself and my community to express myself however I need to, and also care less about what people think.
I remembered meeting up with a new friend for dinner recently. They turned to the waiter as we were finishing up and said, "They'd like a box to go," indicating the second half of my meal that I was saving. I smiled at that. It was a safe situation in a safe city in a friendly South Indian restaurant I've eaten at many times.
It's unusual for people to just use my pronouns. I guess what's really unusual is to hear someone using my pronouns without difficulty and without seeming put upon, rather, seizing a nice opportunity.
In other news, we have an upcoming midterm election in the US, as I'm sure you're aware. Although we are being bombarded by scare tactics and contradicting information, please remember that the outcome of this election in terms of which party is in power in Congress may be more crucial to our rights than the details of any one candidate.
Recently, I was really inspired by an online event, Building Our Power: Trans Rights on the Ballot hosted by Advocates For Trans Equality. Although quite often political news is scary and depressing, there are a lot of motivated, energetic people who are fighting for our rights.
(I am paraphrasing from my notes from the meeting, so please forgive me and let me know if I've misrepresented anything.)
Sybastian Smith, Director of Organizing at A4TE, shared that when he talks to non-trans family and friends about political topics, he builds common ground. We all need a safe place to sleep, food, many of us need employment, a driver's license, a public restroom. People who aren't trans can struggle with these things also, and learning about other people's experiences can build more empathy.
Sybastian spoke passionately, advocating that none of us are free until all of us are free: until trans femmes of color, non-binary people, Black people are safe, nobody else will have what they need to thrive.
I loved the encouragement to find the common ground and the experiences that people share. I think we need to find what connects rather than divides us.
In our upcoming election, I urge you to vote rather than abstain as a protest. Not-voting is not an effective protest because your opinion is literally not counted. I am aware that most of the candidates leave something to be desired, to put it lightly. Let's get them into office anyway. It's time to vote for a less bad outcome.
How are you doing? Let us know in the comments!
